Wednesday, January 25, 2012

Potty is as Potty does

Why is he looking up, anyway?
The Many Stages of Potty Training.

1. "Huh?  What's going on!?"  Sometimes, they're even alarmed at what actually happens down south, like my no. 3.
THAT'S what's happening down there!!??

2. Denial.  This is where you find them digging out a diaper while standing in their own...  well, yeah.

"Huh.  Look at that."

3.  "What!?  You went AGAIN!?"  This is the tough part.  This is the part where you haven't quite figured out how often your kid actually goes, and so you just keep finding new opportunities to mop and scrub and do laundry.  The kid still has no idea they've even gone.

You will need ALL of these machines... simultaneously.

4.  "Hey, honey, want to watch TV... on your potty?"  Out of frustration and a rapidly diminishing supply of laundry detergent and all-purpose spray cleaner, you sit the kid on the potty for as long as you can without them losing circulation in their legs.  Or at least without losing their legs.  They eventually go, and you are effusive in your praise and bribery.  

ALL of this is yours for the low, low price of a poop in the potty!
With my firstborn I was so happy after the months of struggle over #2 that I bought him a FIRE TRUCK.

OK maybe not this one.  But it did have lights and make noise.

This leads to the next stage which is the best one...

5.  Ding!  The light goes on!  They make the connection between elimination and your favorite form of bribery (yes you'll end up there eventually!) and will actually MAKE themselves go when put on the potty.  YAY!  You are no longer a slave to the potty and can go on carefully planned outings with a huge... well, a huge diaper bag of extra clothes and stuff.  But still!  You are kind of free!  Sure, they won't actually take themselves to the potty, but as long as you remember....

6.  The coveted connection.  The child finally makes the connection between NEEDING to go and the action of taking THEMSELVES to the potty.  Otherwise, you are the one who is potty trained, kind of like those snotty "potty train your baby" people.  "Elimination Communication" sounds like something someone is rapping but it's real, and usually it accompanies a nice feeling of self-importance for the parents, too.  I'm not biased, or anything though. ;)

So we aren't to number 6 yet, (can you tell?) but we are making progress!  Wish us luck!